I was staring at my shoes I was wearing, with my arms both crossed and waiting for my next turn to log out and sign on the log book. Eight hours have passed again. Eight hours of going back and forth to pharmacy, of making rounds and checking the IVF levels of each patient, Eight hours of administering medications, be it oral or parenteral. Back to my shoes, I felt a pang of guilt for making them burn out. It’s not that they are ready for an early retirement already, it’s just a mere contemplation of wanting a new pair due to my greediness or wanting a more comfortable pair that could be a perfect featherbed for my feet. Well if it’s not one of the two, maybe both. After all these hazy thoughts, it was finally my turn to sign and log out.
It was cold as I went out from the hospital. I never expected this kind of weather and so, I didn’t scout myself with a sweater to make myself, at least warm. Of course, who could send us with an admonishment on what weather to expect? It’s been years when they have warned us with what they called, “climate change”, but it wasn’t so long ago when people just started doing something with it. It was a late reaction, as expected, because as time goes by, people get more numb with problems like this as if it has become their hobby. Thinking they already have enough problems of their own, they’re missing out the realization that a big problem is arising that even their grandchildren will be affected. There must be something wrong with their Nervous System. Yes, I conclude that.
Riding a blue-colored jeepney, with people who are just about to go to work and school, the attack of the wind made me shiver more with the coldness. I was, of course, a commuter for years. I have an expired driver’s license but never knew how to stir the wheel and use the clutch. I’m a fan of cars and trucks, but driving them is just an illumination in my head. I’m not yet ready to drive one. Aside from not being able to purchase a car/truck on my own, I also don’t have the means for its maintenance and with its high-priced gasoline. Traffic is not YET a problem here in our area, but 10 years from now, we’ll never know. Besides, my work is just a two-jeepney-ride. I can get there in fifteen minutes.
I got down in front of McDonald’s and went inside. With my favorite breakfast meal and an apple pie, I sat and started eating. I could no longer bear being hungry and so, I decided not to wait for him. I put the set of earphones into its intent, played my Phoenix playlist and started eating. It’s him. Again, I felt delinquent of not being able to do my role as a sweet girlfriend of his, it’s no longer the hormones but I guess with all the things that are happening to me, I forgot being in tune with the true wave of life. As I was having these conscience-smitten thoughts, I unconsciously frowned and put down the Sausage Mcmuffin. I checked my phone and opened an unread text from him, “Nakasakay nakong tryk.” I grabbed my Sausage Mcmuffin again and started eating. What if we’ll break up again? What if it will be his turn to find someone else? Common thoughts of every long-term relationships. Common thoughts of every relationship which will later on, turn into a long-distance relationship. I suddenly felt my heart skipped a beat. I don’t want an another guy anymore. I don’t like the idea of it. I have had enough. If it’s not him, it’s the end of my ultra-dramatic love life. I don’t want a relationship with him not in it. Oh, these constant thoughts I get everyday gets jaded too. Really. But being with that guy, I must have done something legendary with my past life. Literally, forget the cliché, I am the luckiest. To be honest, it is far better that hitting the 700-million-prized jackpot lotto. I started with my apple pie and he hasn’t arrived yet. With all the things we’ve been through and with all the years we’ve had, we are way passed with all the teenage-filled angst. I no longer get angry with him when he’s late nor when he failed to give me surprises on special occasions. Children, keep in mind that it’s more than those things. You’ll get there, but no need to have a new relationship with an another guy/girl.
“Next time the feeling is the same, don’t have to show it, A window of belief is where you own it, And as life goes on you know you have to face, All you find, ‘Cos baby, you’re my light.” A song from from Nick and Norah’s Playlist OST. I finished my apple pie already and started playing with the ketchup as I listen with the song. It must be the traffic, or he may just be leaving their house. I was just getting the book he gave me out of my bag when suddenly, I got startled when someone sat in front of me. He put down a tray on the table, filled with a pancakes, fries and two apple pies. Of course, who else could that be? =)
*HALF FICTION, HALF NON-FICTION.