Every chance we get we run.

I have been meaning to write a post about all my whatabouts here in Melby but obviously I struggled to find the luxury to do it. It was balancing life focusing on Uni and Work which is why this discreet journal of mine looks like on a hiatus. As much as I want to keep this updated, I had to sit on my study desk accompanied by my notes and books. Anyway, I had to take the opportunity to write a new blogpost since it’s our short break!

So what is up with my dense schedule? Good thing I started being a planner-person (if that is such a word) before and it actually helped! I tried doing bullet journal which is both ideal and recommended with my school-work life. I came to a realisation that I never thought I would be doing things that I do now even before going here in Australia. Back in the Philippines, I was a laid-back type of person and most significantly when I was a college student. I took my studies for granted back then and prefer going out with my friends (and date) to have fun.

Now that I am a student again, I am both thrilled and anxious (on a healthy level). Their system of education here has a massive difference with what we have in the Philippines. Our home’s style of teaching is commendable, no doubt about that but here in Australia, students have to apply independent learning techniques. No spoon feeding, you have to do your readings on your own and be armed with enough knowledge for questions/ case study once you’re ar the seminar. It’s quite a drag on our first week since I felt like I don’t have the amount of stamina needed when it comes to studying. On a brighter side, I took one of the benefits of social media and followed some profiles inspiring students by giving study techniques. So far, I am in an excitement phase whenever I hit my books. Could you imagine that?

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Not only I have come to step on a world-renowned university but I found myself meeting new people from diverse cultures. I had to open my mind and embrace diversity and that’s it! That’s one of the first few steps to overcome my struggles as an introvert. I have read one of Dale Carnegie’s books entitled, How To Win Friends and Influence People, and gave light on the connection between gaining allies and success. Oh yes, I had to read it. That’s how desperate I am!

“Instead of condemning people, let’s try to understand them. Let’s try to figure out why they do what they do. That’s a lot more profitable and intriguing than criticism; and it breeds sympathy, tolerance and kindness. “To know all is to forgive all.”
― Dale Carnegie, How to Win Friends & Influence People

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It felt actually healthy knowing that I know some people I can rely to amidst all the mistrust and conflicts that usually happens with Buhay Abroad. It’s advisable to be keen and careful who to trust with but that’s a whole different kind of story compared with making an allegiance towards our success here in abroad, right? So yeah, maybe being friendly wouldn’t hurt but sometimes, I still can’t help my uncontrolled shyness. Pft! Speaking of “healthy”, guess who’s trying to go back to running? ME!

I was browsing my Spotify and there, I saw my unheard playlists which is the playlist I made for my Running sesh back in PH. Nostalgia hit me right in a quick and found myself missing CDC Parade Grounds in Clark where I did most of my running practice sessions with my buddies and Dhey. Luckily, there’s a nice trail near where I live and I tried and see if my legs still know how to do the job. I even had to document my first 10km here in ‘Straya!

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So there, aside from work, I have loads of things I got to focus on. Enough with the chill pill, I have to get up early and be back with my regular grind!

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Patience

At first glance he could be hers,
At first glance she should be his.
Tomorrows were endless,
To him, waiting was pointless.
Clock never stops,
Together their hearts hop.
Clock never agrees,
Of what their hearts could see.
Timing has its own unpredictable way,
As they breathe this away.

*fiction

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Am I still here?

How could I possibly still write something here which I neglected for a year already?

And what am I supposed to write? Why did I feel such sudden volt that stimulates me to type and go on with my words?

I don’t want to woo you with my perfect happy state, I won’t do that. Rather, keep myself curious with small things and let you read these nonsensical gibberish thoughts of mine. Either you close the tab or read on.

Say, it has been a year since I wrote a blogpost. I won’t dash you with all the highlights of my hiatus in just one blogpost. Don’t worry, that won’t be enough. Again, this post is no deep shit. So are you still there?

Question: Why is it so hard to give off words to describe yourself?

I was trying to edit my “Bio” on Instagram and thought of countless of ideas on what to put there. Here are my attempts:
1. Hi!
2. Gyk. 2?. Nurse. *OMG this is so boring. (Deleted everything in no hesitation)
3. Tried inserting some profound words that somehow relates with my lifestyle.
4. Emojis. (Well, I really did)

The end result? It turned into something like this, “I don’t mind giving you a lame bio, earthlings!” SMH

Maybe because I’ve always wanted to look cool or hipster-ish by the way I show off myself through my bio/About Me section. We always wanted to look different from others, I guess? Oh crap, I gotta go.

#escapism

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Slammed.

She travelled away from everything
And she now found everything she’d wanted.
Like having those answers in her hands, (that)
She’d been asking from all those books she read.

Aside from the purpose she felt she knew
All she ever needed was herself.
A book collector she’d been dreaming.
A kitchen lord she’d been fantasizing.

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Closure.

I pulled out my 4-year old iPod from my knapsack,
Scrolled in circular and pressed to play, Flowers In Your Hair by The Lumineers.

The smell of freshly baked pandesal joined the breeze.
Buying in some without a pang of hesitation.
For the smell is always included into use for our taste buds,
How heavenly it is when the room smells like butter.

Then I saw you with a newspaper in your hand with a bag of pandesal in the other.
You gestured yourself with the bag by your hand
I smiled and said, “No, thank you.”
I turned my back and walked out of the bakery,
Setting the volume of the iPod to max when I got inside my jeep.

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Aisle.

The trouble is,we think we have enough time. Second chances are made for us who holds in the belief that it is ever too late.

I walked in the aisle, not knowing someone is walking, too, behind me.. Just like three steps away from me. I knelt down and sat at the far end wooden benches. I started praying. For all He knew, he knows what I am praying for. For I, never thought, what stood there in front of me knows everything that I’ve been longing.

This is how you walked. How you found. How you came.

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Ha?

I seems like growing up has been overrated already and more than that, looking back is surely an ancient wishful habit people undeniably do as one of their guilty deeds. What seems to be useful and very suited for daydreaming is bringing back what we used to have, which only pertains to the following topics:
1. Innocence
2. Unbroken heart
3. Stupidity on believing Walt’s “Happy Ever After.”

Seriously, I wish my fear would come out from me because I don’t really know when will I ever take risks again.

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Exercises

She’s the kind who isn’t struggling when something bad is going on because that’s what life taught her. She’s been through a lot that make her seem to look so easy when handling bad things. The downside, she doesn’t seem to care about anything at all. It’s just all about her now, no one else.

From the looks of it, she’s the stereotyped girl who’s happy enough in the company of a good book and a mix of good music. She acts like she doesn’t care on how she looks but she does.

All of these, I want to know more but it seems like she doesn’t want to.

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This is what it sounds like when doves cry.

It is more than a guilt feeling. It’s even more than being so shameful for what I did. After a year of waiting, I finally got a hold of her. But then sudden conditions in my life occur and made me lose my grip. I’m now in hell.

She’s crying. Like an angelic baby, she still looks adorable when she cries. Her cheeks gone red, her eyes glitters with tears and it made me want to hold her tight. I tried but she pushes me away. She still looks beautiful but I never told her this, she’d only think I’m making up for my unmanly mistake. I see her so beautiful but it still crushes my heart into bits. I am the worst kind.

I am speechless, all I could this is bow my head. I have no words to say to heal her. I tried those 3 words and all I got is, “Bullshit!” This is becoming hopeless, I thought. I want to escape but how could I leave a woman crying? How could I leave HER crying?

You see, I love her. I am deeply, irretrievably in love with her. But I’m even asking my own potentials why can’t I prove that to her.

Now she’s walking away. I didn’t run after her. Unlike in the movies, I lost some balls. We should blame all the fictional men writers built into life, they made women expect more.

next…

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