Hypoxia.

It was past three in the morning when my brain decided to wake me up. My head was still in pain, maybe from studying my brain itself. I gather myself and made a short prayer before I stood up. My dog ran towards me then started licking my foot as I got out from my bed. I just ignored him because I really wanted to pee and so, I went to the bathroom and started doing my morning rituals.

It was a typical morning. Enjoying the bliss from just a simple coffee and pancakes. Unstressing myself just by looking at my dog licking himself. Staying at the garden and appreciating the works of my mother’s green hands.

I breathe deeply, hoping that my headache will be gone since I think it’s in dire need of a lot of oxygen.

So it was just a typical morning but no luxury can ever replace it.

As I sip my coffee, I listen to Goo Goo Dolls (as usual) in my iPod. Neighbors jog around and greet me a good morning as they pass by our house.

Bliss.

Then my head sucked all the pain in the world again. I opened my eyes and it took me a few seconds that my life started to become a dream. I looked at the time and it’s 8:30 am, sooo late for my review class. Isn’t it great?

Haaay. I miss life.

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Mindful kindness.

Do every act of your life as if it were your last.” ~Marcus Aurelius

Some people think that I am strong, being able to resist tears and anger. But of course they are wrong. Or else, what am I blogging about? Right? I am not that resistant to temptations. With all the things I have been through, I can prove to you that I am right. With all the people that I have hurt, you’ll know that I am selfish. I can’t tell you right now that I have changed because I am still trying. I am still weak. I am still, you know.

I am not perfect. I am, in fact, a sinner. But I regret that I have done those things. Those things that made me let myself far away from God. I am in no position to tell everyone that I am very close to God right now but I humble myself before him. Ready to take another step for an another change.

But whatever it is that had happened, all I can say is this. It is painful when someone shows to you that you do not deserve God bec. of all the things you’ve done.

So I must take one step at a time. Be alone, let my self be in a solitary life for a while. And learn to love again, and let kindness be my religion. (Dalai Lama: “My religion is very simple. My religion is kindness.”

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Lines.

At some point, you have to make a decision. Boundaries don’t keep other people out. They fence you in. Life is messy. That’s how we’re made. So, you can waste your lives drawing lines. Or you can live your life crossing them. But there are some lines… that are way too dangerous to cross.

There are only eight people whom I allow myself to cross my boundaries. My family and that’ already six, Jools and Mylene. I guess some people think that they know me too well, but all the time, I set boundaries. I don’t let people in esp. when I know they are not trustable enough to keep everything that I say to them.

Also, setting boundaries keeps me from being private. When I let people in, I also give them the power to hurt me.

I know that I am being safe, but this is just what I’ve learned from people.

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Prayers :)

Prayers I got from the blog of Bo Sanchez:

Talk to the mountain of sickness:

“With long life, He satisfies me and shows me His salvation. I’m getting better and better everyday. I am getting stronger and stronger everyday. The power of healing is flowing through my body, mind, and spirit. New health, new joy, new peace, new hope is increasing within me.”

Talk to the mountain of a loved one going astray:

“My friend (husband, brother, etc.) is growing closer to God. Deep inside his heart, the Holy Spirit is busy working, changing, and transforming him. He is set free from all his addictions. He will fulfill God’s purpose for his life. I declare that as for me and my household, we will serve the Lord.”

Talk to the mountain of addictions:

“I may have had addictions in the past, but God is starting a new chapter in my life. I may feel weak now but I declare that God is making me strong. God is setting me free.”

Talk to the mountain of relationship conflicts:

“God is blessing my relationships. Love is increasing. Service for one another is growing. Forgiveness, humility, and understanding flow like a river in my relationships. Old wounds are being healed. Bonds between us are getting stronger and deeper.”

Talk to the mountain of confusion in decision-making:

“The steps of the good person are ordered by the Lord. God directs my steps. God helps me to distinguish what is right from wrong. God shows me the paths to abundance.”

Talk to the mountain of financial difficulty:

“I’m rich and getting richer. I’m generous and getting more generous. God’s abundance is supplying my every need. Everything I touch prospers and succeeds. New doors will open before me. The right people will walk into my life. God will prosper the work of my hands. As I use my core gifts to serve others, I will be richly rewarded.”

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Borderline.

Everything, everyone, every creation seems to move in a fast pace. You have to have some attention when crossing the streets because it seems that almost all cars are in a hurry. Attending a class even if your ill body won’t allow you to is also essential because you couldn’t afford to lose a discussion or else you won’t catch-up with the next. Student nurses focus too much on their SOAPIES rather than with their nursing interventions. We got fast food, instant coffee, instant noodles. Everything is ready for us with just one click.

I live in a world where the Indians go here, in the Philippines, to study Medicine, where the Koreans go here to learn English and where majority of the Filipinos study Nursing and go to America.

We live in a world where there is hatred and love, where there is rush and discontentment. No matter how perfect things are to help you get into somewhere on time, still lies the question of, “Does everything you’ve done in a rush gave you a good quality of outcome?”

We move in a fast world, some would run, some would go slow and some wouldn’t even dare to move and choose to die.

We all go in a fast speed but we’re in a hurry for the unimportant things. It’s like choosing to die everyday and not choosing to live.

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MIA

It was a sunny afternoon and I was deciding what to wear. I asked my sister to help me buy something at the mall. In the past weeks, I spend hours on deciding what clothes to wear. Yes, that’s just being a girl. I got tired with the usual clothes that I always wear. It frightens me that I might be materialistic and superficial with that. Anyway, I saw my sister’s skirt and thought on giving it a try. It’s been a while since I wore a skirt—excluding my school and hospital duty days. I also asked to borrow her tank top which actually suits the skirt. After dressing up, I looked myself in the mirror. “Look how girly you are, you should wear these kinds more often” said by my ego. In addition to that, I am very comfortable.
I’m tired with my old habits just like how I got tired with how I dress myself up. I was reading a book called “I kissed dating goodbye”. If someone who knows me reads this, I know what that person will think. Reading this book beside me contradicts myself. But guess what? It really helps. Everything Joshua Harris about how dating and relationships in this world happens hit me because of feeling guilty. I was guilty that I did those things. I was guilty about how my past relationships were. I realized that SOME of my past relationships were too superficial. I was wasting time giving my heart to people with no assurance that what we have was for real.
The joy of intimacy is the reward of commitment.
It is absurd that I am saying these things, knowing me–knowing myself. But what I loved with this book near me is that it gave me lessons on how important it is to live in a Christ-like way especially when it comes to romance and relationships.
So yes, I want my old habits to be thrown when it comes to men. No, I won’t avoid being friends with men. But I will not rush into falling in love unless there comes assurance. More to that, I will not rush being committed unless it is really LOVE. For awhile, God told me to enjoy my singlehood and enjoy wearing skirts.

Really, this 195php worth of book is really worth it.

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Seatbelt.

My mind was fluttering somewhere else as I was doing my reports in CHN. It was somewhere, reminiscing the past, thinking how awful my life has been since I met that guy. The guy who ruined my life, the guy who sucked all the luck that I have in me and replaced it with misfortune ones.

But instead of fighting this aura to get out of my way, I realized that I should be the one who must stay away because of the fear of being overly contaminated.

I remember Kuya Bong, a feng shui expert, telling us yesterday that we should be with people who have postive outlook in life and not those who give us full of stresses. Yes, there are people who have full of problems, but we must not let ourselves being sunk because of their problems.

I also realized that life is simple, people are just making it complicated. That’s why we view our lives very complex. If we worry about how much work that we had to do for the entire day, isn’t it better if we accept lesser work than do it at an early time? We will be able to have the best quality of our works and submitting them on time. Because in that case, we can practice in focusing one problem at a time.

I also realized how easy it is to simplify life. I love it when they tell me that I look simple. Really. I always love being called as a “simple girl”, no matter how much funny it seems to be. 😉

Yesterday, I made an additional list regarding the non-essential things that I must eradicate in my life. I also made an additional list of those whom I must avoid in order to have peace of mind.

Last night, I made all the expense list for this week and thought of how am I going to save money. I spent most of money on fastfoods and consuming products which are not really that practical. Plus, I am so broke.

If you’re going to assess my life 5-10 years before, I was really living with a silverspoon in my mouth. I was addicted buying new stuffs that I don’t really need. I was also addicted in having a brand new cellphone. Right now, I’m still using my Nokia 1202, which is not colored but I can do anything that I need with it, even if my Nokia E65 is already fixed.

With this simplicity that I aim for, I can do better things at a time and accept new challenging challenges.

“You’ve been wearing a seatbelt your whole life. I think it’s time to unclip.” Barney of How I Met Your Mother.

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THE ONE THAT GOT AWAY

Source: The Manila Times
By: Mark J. Macapagal

In your life, you’ll make note of a lot of people. Ones with whom you shared something special, ones who will always mean something. There’s the one you first kissed, the one you first loved, the one you lost your virginity to, the one you put on a pedestal, the one you’re with …and the one that got away.

Who is the one that got away?

I guess it’s that person with who everything was great, everything was perfect, but the timing was just wrong. There was no fault in the person, there was no flaw in the chemistry, but the cards just didn’t fall the right way, I suppose. I believe in the fact that ending up with someone, finding a long time partner that is, does not lie merely in the other person. I can actually argue that an equal part, or maybe even the greater part, has to do with the matter of timing.

It has to do with you being ready to settle down and commit to someone in a way that goes beyond the little niceties of giddy romance. How often have you gone through it without even realizing it? When you’re not ready to commit in that mature manner, it doesn’t matter who you’re with, it just doesn’t work. Small problems become big; inconsequential become deal breakers simply because you’re not ready and it shows. It’s not that you and the person you’re with are no good; it’s just that it’s not yet right, and little things become the flashpoint of that fact.

Then one day you’re ready. You really are. And when this happens you’ll be ready to settle down with someone. He or she may not be perfect, they might not be the brightest star of romance to ever have burned in your life, but it’ll work because you’re ready. It’ll work because it’s the right time and you’ll make it work. And it’ll make sense, it really will. The day comes when you’re finally making sense of things, and you find yourself to be a different person. Things are different, your approach is different, you finally understand who you are and what you want and you’ve become ready because the time has truly arrived. And mind you, there’s no telling when this day will come.

Hopefully you’re single… but you could be in a long-term relationship, you could be married with three kids, it doesn’t matter. All you know is that you’ve changed, and for some reason, the one that got away, is the first person you think about. You’ll think about them because you’ll wonder, “What if they were here today?” You’ll wonder, “What if we were together now, with me as I am and not as I was?”

That’s what the one that got away is. The biggest “What if?” you’ll have in your life.

If you’re married, you’ll just have to accept the fact that the one that got away, got away. Believe me, no matter how fairy tale you think your marriage is, this can happen to the best of us. But hopefully you’re mature enough to realize that if you’re already with the one you’re with, that this is just another test of your commitment, one which will just strengthen your marriage when you get past it. Sure, you’ll think about him/her every so often, but it’s alright. It’s never nice to live with a “might have been,” but it happens.

Maybe the one that got away is the one who’s already married. In which case it’s the same thing. You just have to accept and know that your memories of that person will probably bring a nice little smile to your lips in the future when you’re old and gray and reminiscing.

But if neither of that is the case, then it’s different. What do you do if it’s not yet too late? Simple… find him, find her. Because the very existence of a “one that got away” means that you’ll always wonder, what if you got that one? Ask him out to coffee; ask her out to a movie, it doesn’t matter if you’ve dropped in from out of nowhere. You’d be surprised, you just might be “the one that got away” as well for the person who is your “the one that got away.” You might drop in from out of nowhere and it won’t make a difference.

If the timing is finally right, it’ll all just fall into place somehow. And it would be a great feeling, if in the end, you’d be able to say to someone, “Hey you, you’re the one that almost got away.”

I got this from Karla. I was too lousy to ready it first, but even reading the first paragraph strucked me right away.

This is everyone’s story, I believe. Well, if someone is NBSB (No boyfriend since birth, incase you’re from pluto), that “one” will come along–and he/she’ll be hell of a lucky person if the “one” didn’t go away.
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